How to Resolve Family Conflict (2023)


This is the first video in the Anger Management 101: Parents series.

How do unresolved events and conflicts influence your communication and relationship with your parents?
Why is it important to look back at the events that seem to have been resolved on a surface level, but that you are still feeling emotional about?
How does one simple moment with one or both of your parents turn into a huge conflict?
How can you start changing your relationship with your parents and in so doing, maybe even support them?

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Hi everyone, this is Senate.

And in this video, we are continuing with anger management specifically having a look at anger, you might be holding on to or experiencing in moments in relation to your parents all right or.

You know, the people in your life who stand as a parental figure for you or to you.

So why is it important that we have a look at this relationship between anger and resentment that you might be holding on to in relation to your parents? So if we have a look at family dynamics, I mean, your parents will always be a part of your life in some way or another, whether they are a part of your life in the sense of living with them visiting them often seeing them every now.

And then, or even if they're not a part of your life in the present or right now, they're still very much a part of your life in your mind.

Right? So, therefore, I mean, if we have a look at all relationships, no it's so look at here's.

You and here's, your parents or parent with them being a part of your life, whether in your mind or in everyday life, if you have a look at accepting and allowing that anger to exist within you in any way whatsoever, the anger can be like this time bomb, right where moments can unfold in spending time with them or just thinking about them or accessing memories.

And then all of a sudden a moment of communication or interaction can very easily turn into a conflict or an argument or a fight now it's interesting how so many people have simply come to accept anger.

You know in in, especially when it comes out unexpectedly suddenly.

And then a conversation goes into an argument, conflict, fighting whether big or small and then afterward, you know, everyone is like, okay, let it go it's been sorted out.

We've found a solution.

But yet, if you honestly have a look at those moments that you've had with your parents and the memories that you have of arguments and fights and conflicts and things like that, it always remains a part of you.

It becomes part of your memory base.

All right is the question that we essentially have to ask ourselves is are these moments of conflicts where your anger comes out toward your parents it's like I mean, are those moments really resolved? You know, within yourself and your relationship with your parents and most well, honestly for themselves, seeing no they're, not most of the time everything could be okay on the outside.

You know, appearance-wise when you spend time with your parents when you see them when you talk to them when you have the little moments with them where everything might seem okay, but on the inside inside your mind in all the little memories, you've accumulated in relation to conflicts.

Everything is honestly, not hundred-percent.

Okay in your relationship with yourself and with your parents and it's, all these memories of unresolved issues and experiences inside yourself that can come out and transform a moment into conflict argument and fighting where what comes up is the anger all right.

And then what happens is you have then another moment with your parent, and you get angry and upset and talk it through, you know, do get to a solution in some way or another outside appearance is fine.

But on the inside there, you've got another memory more issues reactions and experiences in relation to your parents and overtime all right.

This can eventually lead to you creating a completely alternate relationship between you and your parents right in in your mind right? And what do I mean with creating a complete alternate relationship between you and your parents in your mind is that eventually all of these suppressed memories right in relation to conflicts that you've had with your parents.

You can start building and building and building, and you can start creating ideas about your parents about your relationship with your parents inside your mind that can become very emotional, right? And you can throughout time either one or two things can happen.

You will suppress all of that inside yourself, where you actually become irritated or frustrated and not likely to spend time with your parents, but where you will still do it right to, please them to keep them happy to keep the rest of the family happen, happy or meaning where you will just some moments exert all of this anger inside yourself in moments with with your parents, where it's just been accepted that the relationship with your parents is fueled with conflict and and emotion, or in the third direction, which is where all ties can be savored, where you simply don't want your parents to be a part of you a part of your life at all anymore, right? And all of this can come from this relationship where you have reacted in anger within yourself in relation to parents, but suppress it keep quiet about it.

And not really looked at it for yourself int, respected it given their motion looked at memories, looked at moments and have more honest, open intimate and clear discussions with your parents, all right.

So what we're going to be assisting and supporting within the videos to come is? Firstly, how to become self honest about these memories of conflicts with your parents, are there any memories that contain this emotion of anger? Okay, because if that is going to stay inside of you in your mind and body it's going to continue building and building and building up.

And as long as that exists within you your relationship with your parents cannot change, and then you'll have more and more of these unpredictable, unexpected moments of conflict and anger and emotions coming out and then that's going to start defining your relationship with your parents, instead of how different your communication and interaction with your parents can be and become by.

You know, you being honest with yourself being more open with them and the communication being a lot more stable.

You know, you can get to a point of where let's say, yes, how your parents for example, or your parents, take on a particular situation, and they become all like stressful about it.

You know, now you usually got angry when that happens now with you learning how to let go of the anger, okay.

And instead be more stable when your parents approach you in that way, you could maybe support them and saying, hey, um, when you approach me in that energy, it like rattles me, and then it feels like I want to become angry, right? But I don't want to become angry anymore.

So can we maybe rather sit down and talk about this over coffee or drink or something? You know, rather than speaking in this emotion and the stress.

And you know that happening, because if I'm gonna get angry and you're going to be in that stress, then the only thing that's gonna happen is we're gonna have a fight and I don't want this to go into a fight.

So you know, can we rather talk about this more normally? You know, so it's interesting, how much children can actually support their parents parents can support their children in just making that one difference in your relationship within yourself in relation to your parents, looking at your anger issues and are I want to say, anger issues as like like a point, you know, that is where it's like you're the problem because you have the issues, no, no, no, not at all more simply meaning the definition of anger issues to be.

You know, the anger moments in your past is the memories that's defining your relationship with your parents, and you can change all of that, which will change your relationship with your parents as well.

All right we'll go to here for this video and see you in the next.

Thank you very much.



What is the best way to resolve family conflict? ›

Suggestions include:
  1. Try to stay calm.
  2. Try to put emotions aside.
  3. Don't interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
  4. Actively listen to what they are saying and what they mean.
  5. Check that you understand them by asking questions.
  6. Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly.

What are the 5 methods of conflict resolution? ›

This article outlines five different approaches to conflict management and the situations they are most appropriate for.
  • Accommodation. This is a lose/win situation. ...
  • Compromise. ...
  • Avoidance. ...
  • Competition. ...
  • Collaboration.

What is the 4 causes of family conflict? ›

Other causes of family fighting can be differences in opinions, poor communication, changes in the family (such as a new baby or divorce), sibling rivalry or discipline issues.

What are the 4 types of family conflict? ›

Family conflict refers to active opposition between family members. Because of the nature of family relationships, it can take a wide variety of forms, including verbal, physical, sexual, financial, or psychological.

What are the 4 strategies to deal with a conflict? ›

4 steps To resolve Conflict: CARE
  • Communicate. Open communication is key in a dispute. ...
  • Actively Listen. Listen to what the other person has to say, without interrupting. ...
  • Review Options. Talk over the options, looking for solutions that benefit everyone. ...
  • End with a Win-Win Solution.
Mar 13, 2017

What are 3 different approaches to conflict resolution in families? ›

Poorly resolved ego conflicts are very detrimental to family relationships. The three main approaches to managing conflict are avoidance, delay and confrontation (Stepsis, 1974; Johnson, 1986; Adler and Towne, 1987).

What are the three R's of conflict resolution? ›

The key to conflict resolution is the three R's: recognize the conflict, respond to the conflict, and resolve the conflict. When we learn to recognize our conflict reactions, every professional can respond in a way that transforms the situation.

What are the 7 steps in conflict? ›

Start by following these seven key steps.
  • Bring both parties together. ...
  • Lay out the ground rules. ...
  • Find the root cause of the conflict. ...
  • Actively listen as each side has their say. ...
  • Establish a desired outcome. ...
  • Get participants to suggest potential solutions. ...
  • Agree on a resolution and what must be done to make it happen.
Nov 3, 2021

What is the most common way to deal with conflict? ›

Strategies for Managing and Resolving Conflict
  • Think it over. Honestly assess the situation. ...
  • Figure out what you want to say and how to say it. Don't blame others. ...
  • Really listen. Listen carefully to what is being said, and if you don't understand what is being said, ask clarifying questions. ...
  • Work toward understanding.

What is the most common family conflict? ›

From fighting over inheritance to disagreeing about who will pay for aging parents or family events, family financial conflict is top of the list when it comes to why families fight.

How do you deal with negative family members? ›

How to Deal With Toxic Family Dynamics
  1. Set boundaries. Decide ahead of time what things you won't tolerate and what you will do if your family member crosses that line. ...
  2. Give yourself permission to leave. ...
  3. Be selective about what information you share. ...
  4. Call 9-1-1 if you are in danger. ...
  5. Consider talking with a counselor.
Apr 25, 2021

What are 10 common arguments among families? ›

The Top 50 most common family arguments
  • Someone leaving all the lights on when they aren't in the room.
  • Someone leaving shoes in the middle of the floor/ in the doorway.
  • Messy bedrooms.
  • Someone not doing their fair share of the chores.
  • Not changing the empty toilet roll when the last of it is used.
Jul 19, 2021

Can family fight cause trauma? ›

Studies show parents' fights affect their children's mental health. Physical altercations, insults, and tactics such as “the silent treatment,” are just a few of the toxic interactions parents can have that are likely to create some emotional damage to a child in the long run.

What are 3 effects of conflict in a family? ›

In conclusion, family conflict is a complicated event for children and adult children of divorced families. It can cause distress, financial hardship, anxiety, increased behavioral issues for children, attachment implications into adulthood, and many other mitigating factors.

What are the 4 A's of conflict? ›

So here's a simple way to remember a conflict resolution process. Four A's: Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Apologize.

How do you deal with family drama? ›

Here are 10 tips to help you keep your cool.
  1. Understand your expectations. ...
  2. Set your personal boundaries ahead of time. ...
  3. Stay open to others' needs. ...
  4. Be mindful of substances. ...
  5. Take a breather. ...
  6. Speak for yourself, not for others. ...
  7. Feel the feels. ...
  8. Tap into stress-busters.

What are the 6 C's of approaches to conflict management? ›

The theory of conflict management depicted using the Six C's model (Context, Condition, Causes, Consequences, Contingencies, and Covariance) (Glaser, 1978)

What are the 5 principles of conflict? ›

Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann developed five conflict resolution strategies that people use to handle conflict, including avoiding, defeating, compromising, accommodating, and collaborating. This is based on the assumption that people choose how cooperative and how assertive to be in a conflict.

What are the three C's of conflict? ›

Three C's for resolving conflict
  • Metrics are critical, but metrics are mirrors. ...
  • Communicate: This may seem like an obvious step, but making a genuine effort to resolve the problem is often the first step in solving the situation. ...
  • Consistency: Make sure that your approach to conflict is consistent. ...
  • Composure: Stay calm.
Mar 13, 2017

What are the three keys of conflict? ›

The following three steps will help leaders navigate conflict within their teams.
  • Identify the underlying cause.
  • Breath, and listen to the opposing point of view.
  • Find common ground.
May 31, 2018

What are the 6 principles of conflict resolution? ›

The six principles of conflict resolution are to affiliate, empathize, engage, own, self-restrain, and build trust.

What are the 14 effective conflict resolution techniques? ›

These 14 conflict resolution techniques will get you to the next level.
  • Use Active Listening. ...
  • Take a Genuine Interest. ...
  • Ask Open-Ended Questions. ...
  • Seek Points of Commonality. ...
  • Mirror What Others Say. ...
  • Offer a True Apology. ...
  • Always Assume the Best. ...
  • Clarify Your Next Steps.
Jan 27, 2019

How do you handle family conflict biblically? ›

How to Resolve Family Conflict
  1. Follow the example of God and love all your children equally. ...
  2. Trust God to meet your needs. ...
  3. Advocate for others as you advocate for yourself. ...
  4. Care-front members of your family about schemes, triangles, and unhealthy boundaries. ...
  5. Develop familial affection in the home.

What are the 9 levels of conflict? ›

seen as having a momentum of their own.
Oct 10, 2000

What is the easiest conflict to resolve? ›

The easiest conflict to resolve is usually an avoidance-avoidance conflict.

What is the best conflict strategy? ›

Bring Involved Parties Together to Talk

This is a time for brainstorming, active listening, and being open to different perspectives - the goal is to come to a common understanding of what the problem is, what role each individual is playing in the conflict, and what some possible solutions might be.

What is a healthy response to conflict? ›

A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger. An inability to compromise or see the other person's side. The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing. Feeling fearful or avoiding conflict; expecting a bad outcome.

How to deal manipulative family members? ›

Be direct, calm and assertive.

Remember: manipulative people are not known for their empathy. They will try to confuse you, go on the offensive, or assume the role of a victim — a familiar disguise that's like second skin to them. Stay calm, stay polite, but assertive. Don't let them bully you into submission.

How do you let go of toxic family members? ›

Here are seven ways to pursue just that — and center your own emotional well-being in the process.
  1. Get Clear. Reflect on your relationships with family. ...
  2. Take a Breather. Sometimes space is the best option. ...
  3. Negotiate New Terms. ...
  4. Boundaries are Best. ...
  5. Let Go of the Fantasy. ...
  6. Start Fresh. ...
  7. Focus on the Family You Build.
Dec 18, 2019

How do you ignore annoying family members? ›

How to cope with your annoying relatives, according to a...
  1. Be prepared. Forewarned is forearmed. ...
  2. Use your strengths. ...
  3. Ask them to stop. ...
  4. Limit your interactions with certain people. ...
  5. Accept them for who they are. ...
  6. Avoid certain topics. ...
  7. Choose your battles. ...
  8. You can't control what others do/say, only how you react.
Dec 19, 2017

What are at least 3 common family issues? ›

Some common challenges families face in addition to managing chronic pain include things like moving house, separation or divorce, parenting issues, pressure at work or school, unemployment and financial problems, illness or disability of a family member, death of a family member, drug, alcohol, gambling addiction, and ...

What are 5 effects of family conflict? ›

Family conflict can be verbal, physical, sexual, financial, or psychological leading to unhealthy and risky behaviors, poor attachment styles, and interpersonal relationship struggles Bickering, cold shoulder, eye-rolling is a common feature in many families, however this may lead to mental health problems for many ...

Is my family toxic or is it me? ›

If a certain family member is always criticizing or blaming you and never taking accountability for themselves, that's a sign of a toxic individual. As Nuñez explains, perhaps they're always playing the victim, they say everything is always your fault, or they avoid responsibility at all cost.

How do you stay happy in a toxic family? ›

Other Useful Tactics
  1. Don't expect anyone to be perfect, including yourself.
  2. Stop trying to fight old battles. ...
  3. Stand your ground. ...
  4. Let go of your wishes for family members' lives. ...
  5. Once you resolve to change your own behavior, brace for strong reactions from family members and even friends.
Apr 9, 2021

How do you disarm a toxic person? ›

Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
  1. Avoid playing into their reality. ...
  2. Don't get drawn in. ...
  3. Pay attention to how they make you feel. ...
  4. Talk to them about their behavior. ...
  5. Put yourself first. ...
  6. Offer compassion, but don't try to fix them. ...
  7. Say no (and walk away) ...
  8. Remember, you aren't at fault.
Nov 21, 2019

What can family issues lead to? ›

Changes in the family can unsettle and upset and make children feel insecure and bad about themselves. They may feel angry, anxious or depressed. These feelings can affect other areas of their lives such as school and friendships.

What is family crisis? ›

A family is thrust into a crisis when two or more elements, contributing to a state of crisis, interact. These elements include: 1) experiencing a stress-producing situation; 2) having difficulty coping; 3) showing chronic difficulty meeting basic responsibilities; and 4) having no apparent sources of support.

Can you get PTSD from family fights? ›

For some young people, exposure to high conflict divorce, interpersonal violence and stressful home experiences can lead to complex mental health concerns and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Developmental Trauma and a lifetime of increased risk of further trauma ...

Can you get PTSD from parents yelling? ›

For some children, the cumulative effect of growing up in a family with frequent harsh verbal discipline can basically rewire the brain and lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. P.T.S.D.

Can you get PTSD from parents fighting? ›

PTSD develops when parents are constantly fighting with one another, day in and day out. PTSD develops as parents become dysfunctional. The home is no longer working as in the past. Parents who are divorcing are not always able to think as clearly as they did prior to making the decision to divorce.

How can family conflict affect mental health? ›

Family Conflict and its Effects on Mental Well-being

Marital conflicts, sibling rivalry, or parent-child conflicts can create a hostile and tense environment that is detrimental to mental health. It can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and strained relationships.

How to resolve conflict? ›

Some Ways to Resolve Conflicts
  1. Talk directly. Assuming that there is no threat of physical violence, talk directly to the person with whom you have the problem. ...
  2. Choose a good time. ...
  3. Plan ahead. ...
  4. Don't blame or name-call. ...
  5. Give information. ...
  6. Listen. ...
  7. Show that you are listening. ...
  8. Talk it all through.

What are high conflict family members? ›

The High Conflict Institute defines a high conflict parent as someone who lacks the ability to have insight into their own behavior; who doesn't have the ability to reflect on their actions and who blames others for everything that has gone wrong.

How do you get past family drama? ›

Here are 10 tips to help you keep your cool.
  1. Understand your expectations. ...
  2. Set your personal boundaries ahead of time. ...
  3. Stay open to others' needs. ...
  4. Be mindful of substances. ...
  5. Take a breather. ...
  6. Speak for yourself, not for others. ...
  7. Feel the feels. ...
  8. Tap into stress-busters.

What does the Bible say about toxic family members? ›

In fact, the Scriptures are full of teachings instructing us to leave relationships with wicked or evil people, to be separate from them, to shun, outcast, and purge them from our midst. (1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20, Psalm 1:1, Proverbs 6:27, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 10:13 – these are just a few).

When to walk away from family drama? ›

When the relationship creates so much stress that it affects the important areas of your life at work, home or both. When your emotions are totally caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself and the chaos of your relationships with these people is all you talk about, it is time to let go.

What are some unhealthy family dynamics? ›

The following are some examples of these patterns: One or both parents have addictions or compulsions (e.g., drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, gambling, overworking, and/or overeating) that have strong influences on family members. One or both parents threaten or use physical violence as the primary means of control.

What reasons would a person cut family ties for? ›

Research shows the most common reasons people cut ties with family include:
  • Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or neglect.
  • Poor parenting.
  • Betrayal.
  • Drug abuse.
  • Disagreements (often related to romantic relationships, politics, homophobia, and issues related to money, inheritance, or business)
Nov 10, 2021

Can family conflict cause trauma? ›

For some young people, exposure to high conflict divorce, interpersonal violence and stressful home experiences can lead to complex mental health concerns and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Developmental Trauma and a lifetime of increased risk of further trauma ...

What is common in family conflict? ›

Families often argue about topics related to major and even minor events, on issues such as: who is on (and who is left out of) the invite list, who is paying for what, which dates work for everyone, the location of the event, and who to use as vendors.

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